I applied for an apartment yesterday.
It’s a really cute apartment. Two bedroom, with a study. It faces the lake, so when I’m in the study, I’ll have the best view. That means writing while I stare out at the lake, or painting that landscape because it’s gorgeous out there.
I’m worried that they’re going to deny me, but they shouldn’t. I’m pretty good on paper.
But my anxiety is flaring up, and that’s making me think about all the things that could potentially go wrong in this venture. I just love this apartment and that’s making the anxiety worse I think.
I have this same anxiety when I publish books too, but it seems less when it’s business over the more personal parts of my life.
I’m not sure how that works.
I guess that’s why I’m posting off schedule. I need to get this anxiety out of my head, so I’m not thinking about it 24/7 and driving myself insane. What do you guys do when you’re too entrenched in anxiety to think straight? How do you make it stop, or at least lessen so you can function like a real human being?
I guess this is why I was glad I didn’t make a big splash with my first book. I published it, and I was an unknown, so it was a quiet launch. I think I sold six copies the first week. When I look back on it, I’m glad. Not because the book was bad. I still get lots of compliments on that book. But because it was a learning curve for me, and because it was my first, I was very nervous to hit publish on it. I spent $3 on stock images, did the cover myself, got friends to help me edit it for blaring mistakes so I didn’t have to pay a professional editor. I learned how to format ebooks through YouTube tutorials, so I wouldn’t have to farm that out as well.
It was a total budget launch.
I think people get too wrapped up on how to publish that first book, and how to make it big with their first launch. There’s a huge learning curve with publishing. I’m not sure how I would have reacted with the anxiety if I’d had a best seller first time out. I think it might have been too much pressure to produce after that.
I’m not sure how this relates to my apartment anxiety. I think they’re similar in ways, and maybe that’s why I’m thinking about when I first published. Waiting for people to react to your book is excruciatingly painful. Wine sometimes helps that, though. Maybe tonight is a good night for me to go draw a bath, drink a glass of wine, and try to relax.
If I’m meant for that apartment, I’ll get it. I just have to tell my brain that. 😉
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